The Journey...Ripped from what I called home

Rewinding to the year 2007,not being given a choice i up and left for Cape Town. Numb, i boarded the flight, felt the warm stream flow from my eye...a sign of anger and pain i kept my head high but inside i begun to break, the cracks begun to give in...I FELT LOST, UNWANTED and BROKEN for THEY did not understand, for THEY just let go...i became...THE FORGOTTEN BROKEN DIAMOND.... this is when i knew things were never gonna be the same.

This piece was written on Tuesday 14th August... No longer could i hold it in.

                           BROKEN DIAMOND

Somedays i wake up hoping I would be in a place I know

To pick up the phone and make plans

Plans with people I know,people that understood me.

They promised

They promised never to forget me...

I didn't know.

I wasn't told...

If i had known...i wouldn't have left

I wouldn't have let them RIP me away from the place I loved to hate yet hated to love.

I was stripped of all i Had...

For my identity has gone with all I had.

For my soul has gone back

Back to where I called home.

I am empty...

Lost

Lost in a place where the smiles mask frowns

Where I have to accept the fact that I DO NOT BELONG.

In a place where my true friend is my poetry

Where my tissue is the paper on which I cry.

I cry for I am alone...

I tried to tell you

I tried to scream but to you it was a whisper

I tried to stand but i have no back bone

My spirit like worthless grains of sand

Blown away by the winds of sorrow

For I have no one

For i have my words

I mask my emotions for I must

For i am shunned at my expressions of pain

for i can no longer breath.

I didn't know

I never knew...

I wish i knew...

but they never told me...

why didn't they say anything.

why have i become forsaken by them

the ones I cried to

the ones I spoke to

the ones I trusted.

now i know what they meant

what the others feel

the ones we chose to ignore

the ones we forgot.

but I didn't know.

i didn't ask...

i thought...

i thought i...

I thought I would be able to go back...

i was sure you remembered me...

but you have changed...CLAIMING

that I was the one for you refused

you refused to accept

you refused to see who I really am.

if only I knew...

If only I had asked...

but i didn't have it...

If i knew you would have changed...

i would have come...

i came but you didn't recognize me for i had changed...

if only I knew...

I wish i had known

Now I'm back to where it all began

I am lost

I am alone for you

you promised...

IF ONLY I KNEW...!

Love Letter

"I'm not a great poet but these are my thoughts, my tears, my emotions and my life. If It weren't for Poetry I would be nothing....It is my addiction, it is my HIGH it is my everything, the edge thats there at my fingertips. In it I can confide, In it I have a true companion In it I have love in it I have voice to speak when i can nolonger speak the will to fight when i can no longer in IT I can be true, In it I have the perfect world in IT i have life in it I have EVERYTHING in it i have never ending wealth in it I have IMORTALITY, SUPERIORITY AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.I thank the one that sawed it in my cloth from which I was made.I THANK IT...Poetry i write this to YOU."

You

You came into my life unexpectedly

slowly you captured my heart as i fell deeper and deeper

your lyrical seduction mezmorized my every thought

slowly my fingers danced to the rhythm of your addictive caress... I couldn't resist

I dove into your sacred fountain of enlightenment...

 You 

You captured my soul, taimend my spirit

for the connection was strong

Through you I can rise, Through you i can fall

In you I hold the best kept secrite

through you my pains, happiness and joy are put into words

You are my greatest gift. you are my addiction, you are my love... POETRY THIS ONES FOR YOU

Radient Times...a journey from the past

A beautiful Monday morning to all.
Tis a blessing to wake up and see the sun that has risen in the east, to hear the birds communicating with nature. There comes a time in ones life where things that mattered nolonger do, where laughter is all that matters and a friendly smile to lul the pains to aid them to subside.

She stares out her window as she remembers where she,when her soul lay on the ground for she had fallen, she had fallen from all the hurt, she sits and wonders what it is she did so wrong to deserve the pain…could she have been paying for sins yet to be committed , sins of her fathers or sins of her forefathers? Sitting head buried in her hands she asks….CAN SHE RISE? Her tears turn to ink, the paper tissue…she lets her tears flow as her mind races for her questions are never answered….

Can I Rise?

The question i ask everyday

To live a dream is to have one

I long to hope, wish to pray

To live life

To be the one i really am

The one my reflection will never show

My question is... Can i Rise?

Can i rise from all this hurt

Rise from all this dirt you buried me in

I try to rise...but am bound

Bound by chains of deceit

Bound to a thorny bed of nails

The pain begins to drive me to sanity

All i wish to do is RISE

Rise from the soil

Rise up; put my head in the clouds

Let my fingers stroke the sky

Look at what you've done

You broke my wings before i knew how to fly

Look at me now

Look me in the eyes and tell me...

CAN I RISE?

This question can only be answered by the spirit for it never loses hope, the voice you hear saying "everything will be ok, you will see, the sun shall rise again" tis your spirit its the flame that never burns out till your part in lifes story is over.

THE WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE...The Diary continues

THE POWER OF WORDS...THE CAUSE AND THE EFFECT
The words we speak are just as leathal as injecting oxygen into your veins...The pain felt as your words peirce the ears like the needle to the wrist, the acidity of the words a pushing movement on the suringe. Now i Know we have all gone through the verbal-tud-of-war where some out smart us in insults or we are the verbal exectutioner. Now I ask you...have you EVER FELT

EVER FELT

Ever felt the need to talk,only to find there's no one to talk to?
you begin to wonder how long must you wait to find come one to talk to,
you stare at your fone hoping it rings.

Ever felt the need to be hugged
not by anyone in particular,
just that need to be embraced by someone or something.

Ever felt the shivers of fear down your back
not knowing whats causing them.
you remember the movie you watched last night,
you hear the ghostly child like whispers in your ear.
But you are alone.

Ever wondered,
ever thought of what your words are doing to someone.
ever felt how the GEEK in your school feels every time you dish out unnessesary comments,
The comments which your MOTHER or FATHER dished out to you to lift their spirits.

Ever felt the pain
the pain of being the social ot cast
the pain of being the kone who is always dissed
the pain of crying yourself to sleep
well take time and reed this poem which I wrote after on of my friends tried to commit suicide.
All because she felt unwanted
all because she felt defieted
defieted by words that hit her from every direction
defieted by the stares she gets from the cool crew, all because she was DIFFERENT.
ALL HER PAIN IS WHAT LEAD TO HER SUICIDE

This piece is called  SLIT MY WRISTS written after someone close to my circle of then friends attempted suicide. I took a walk in her shoes, and the pain i felt was real the pen to paper as my tears begun to flow... All because of words strung together to hurt another...

SLIT MY WRISTS
Intro
Just as I try to get up
I trip and fall, deeper and deeper
My soul is drifting further and further away
My dreams have faded
Self-destruction is where I’m headed


I’m sitting here thinking, my heart is bleeding
My soul is sinking, my spirit’s screaming
I’m in the ninth grade, learning from the bad choices I’ve made
Hearing voices in my head as my dreams begin to fade
As an African beauty my life is a beast
Every night I cry wishing I could die

The life that I live isn’t worth living
The love that I give isn’t the love I receive
People won’t believe me, instead they deceive me
Being a social outcast how long is it going to last
I go to sleep wishing I don’t wake up, one day I’ll just take the risk just sit down and slit my wrist
In the end I’ll wind up dead.
My pain inside will lead to my suicide.

Lying here thinking (empty thoughts)
My soul is sinking (my heart is pounding)
My dreams were real (but not anymore)
People just amaze me (I think I’m going crazy)
Hanging with the wrong crowed (the pain inside I’ve tried to hide)
Trying to be cool, I end up being everybody’s fool
Always called the other chick (you wonder why I’m always sick)
All along I’ve lived in a dream, just woken up and realized it’s not what it seems
Everyday I think but my soul continues to sink


The life that I live isn’t worth living
The love that I give isn’t the love I receive
People won’t believe me, instead they deceive me
Being a social outcast how long is it going to last
I go to sleep wishing I don’t wake up, one day I’ll just take the risk just sit down and slit my wrist
In the end I’ll wind up dead.
My pain inside will lead to my suicide.

In my imagination I’m a part of a generation overworked by expectations
Hope you realize the pain inside my eyes (this I cannot hide)
Can’t take the pain (feels like I’m going insane)
Your words are as sharp as a needle, piercing my heart, injecting poison in my soul
Slowly dying, you can’t stop lying but because of you I can’t stop crying
What’s it worth, cant take the hurt of being everybody’s fool
Just because I want to be cool
My feelings stuck in a bottle, I thought I’d reached the bottom.
An emotional load very soon I’ll explode
The bottle will break no more pain my heart can take
The pain that I bottle inside is what will lead to my suicide

As I cry I wonder why I’d rather die, am I prepared to never see the sky?
My eyes covered by the dark grey mist, don’t think I can take the risk and slit my wrist.

My heart’s still bleeding
My soul’s still sinking
My spirit’s still screaming
Because of the pain I’ve stopped dreaming
These voices in my head saying I’m better off dead
As I think, cry and dream my soul sinks deeper and deeper
My heart pumps harder and harder causing it to bleeding heavier and heavier
My spirit screams louder and louder
It’s the pain inside that will lead to my suicide, too much pain I’ve had to hide
In the end I’ll wind up dead, the bottled pain inside is what lead to my suicide


The rate of teen suicide has grown, rate of teens killing each others has escalated.
Now take the time to reflect on your life and ask if you EVER FELT...

A WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE PT1

 There comes a time in our lives when we seem to be drifters, our minds invoulentarily drift to wrelms unknown to the mortal cacoons our souls are bound to grace and torment our mother...Azania which we call africa.

This is the one of the first poems i ever wrote in  2004 and placed it on a blog in 2006.

 I wrote as i drifted away into a world so beautiful a world so bright...a world I call my poetic sanctuary. For I dream, You dream, the difference is I was dubbed the POETIC DREAMER...

POETIC DREAMER

The poetic dreamer
Is what I am?
My mind closes its eyes
To see the world in my mind
My world of poet dreamers
Walking with their heads in the clouds
Eyes wide open.
In this world your pain you cannot hide.
Walking side by side with fellow dreamers
I walk in my world.
The world of the poetic dreamer
Before I was dubbed the poetic dreamer
I was just a dreamer with normal dreams
I lived in a normal world, but I wasn’t normal
I am not a normal kid
I am a dreamer of note
I dream to escape from the pains of this world
I dream of my own world
A world where words, notions and genuine emotions are painted in the sky
Where genuine emotions and expressions are yours
I was always in a daze, and I still am
I always was and still am poetic
As a dreamer I write.
Transferring my emotions to paper
Poetic and a dreamer
It was my destiny to be the Poetic dreamer.
As a child of destiny
My destiny will be fulfilled.
I am proud to be dubbed the poetic dreamer.

THE BEGINING

Humbled greetings my friends.

tis been a long time comming, finaly i have soaked up the courage to write my poetry on a blog. some of you probably knew my old blog titteled POETIC DREAMER. well I have grown out of that one, for those who have not seen the blog befor i will post some of  my poetry that i featured there.

ok so i know you probably wondering what it is am exactly on about... well allow me to introduce myself:
My name is Valencia Diamond and for those who don't know Diamond is NOT my real surname, born in a dusty town in Mpumalanga with deep Swati and Shangani roots( hence my unique skin tint that sometimes can be confused as orange,gold or bronze)... anywho  I began writing at the age of 9 and yes it was not good at all, influenced by the hip hop culture of the 90's but i kept on writing. my writing took a new direction at the age of 16 when i realized there was more to life then just partying,hiphop and usual teenage stuff, this was broaght about by a car accident that left me jump and rather depressed. So i found a sanctuary in poetry, that way i could escape the pains and the reality of the world... that way i could do the impossible... that way i could set my mind free for like a caged lion it longs to break free. Thats when i learnt how to CRY, SYMPATHIZE AND EMPATHIZE.

Open your hearts, clear your minds and take the journey with me, walk in my shoes, feel the emotions felt at the times when some of these works where written... this is my story, you too will meet the characters in who's shoes i walk... YOU too will feel the raw emotions, YOU TOO will feel their pain but most of all i HOPE some INSPIRATION is drawn from my works.


WELCOME to THE DIARY OF A BLAQUE DIAMOND